Semper Fi
by amanduhh1221
Summary: ON HIATUS Edward returns home from the war with a purple heart awaiting him. His reunion with his family should be a happy one, but flashbacks taint it. Can he over come what he experienced and accept it? Will his marriage last through the revelations
1. Welcome Home

**All characters belong to their respective owners, I just use them for my own entertainment.**

He stared at the doorknob, mustering up the strength to reach for it and turn it to the right. He picked up his olive green duffel bag and gripped the doorknob, the cool metal fitting perfectly in his palm. He adjusted his patrol cap as he slowly stepped through the threshold of his home. He dropped his bag next to the coat rack and slowly walked towards the kitchen, using his cane to keep him steady.

Little footsteps sounded against the floor, running in his direction. His little girl erupted into tears and screams as she ran towards him, attaching herself to his leg. She sobbed into his ankle, murmuring how much she missed him.

He carefully picked her up, settling her on his hip as he walked down the hallway into the kitchen. He grinned at the sight of his wife gently swaying her hips to the beat of the radio, clad in black yoga pants and his grey USMC t-shirt.

He cleared his throat and whispered, "Hey beautiful," to her, waiting for her to turn around.

The pot she was cleaning in the sink clattered to the bottom with a resounding thud. He carefully placed his daughter on the floor, straightening his stance as his wife slowly turned around. As their eyes met, her hazel to his emerald, she slowly crumpled to the floor, tears pouring from her eyes.

"You're home." She murmured to him, her eyes wandering over his utility uniform, displaying his Fleet Marine Force insignia and other accoutrements.

He nodded as he slid off his green soft garrison cap and set it down on the counter. She ran to him, locking her arms around his neck, her legs around his waist, causing him to drop his cane as he wrapped his arms around her.

"You're home." She choked out, breathing in his scent.

He nodded into her hair, walking them into the living room. He sat down on the couch, settling her onto his lap as his daughter climbed onto the couch next to them.

"They said your squad was attacked," his wife wiped her eyes as she pulled their daughter onto her lap. "That there were no survivors—"

Fresh tears streamed down her cheeks as she stopped talking and took in his face. Small cuts littered his face, a light scar appearing in-between his eyebrows, carrying on up towards his hairline. He kissed her chastely, gently running his palm down the side of her face, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

She whispered, "Edward," before tangling her fingers into his hair and fusing their mouths together. Her lips were needy, desperate. Her fingers slowly traced over every feature of his face, committing every curve, fresh cut and scar to memory.

She slowly pulled away for air with a sad smile. "I missed you. I missed you so much. You can't leave randomly in the middle of the night without a goodbye. That was heart wrenching." She buried her face in his chest, inhaling his scent, calming herself.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered into her hair, tightening his grip around her waist. "It won't happen again. I promise you."

Bella wiped her eyes as she pulled away from him, smiling at him dressed in the uniform she learned to love and hate.

"C'mon sweetie," She cleared her throat as she slid off his lap. "time for bed."

"But momma! Daddy just got here!" Abigail whined.

He smiled as he stood from the couch and gathered her into his arms. "I'm not going anywhere baby girl. I'll be right here when you wake up."

"Will you tuck me in daddy?" She asked, her chocolate eyes pleading.

He smiled. "Of course I will my little love." He lightly kissed her nose as he slowly stalked down the hallway.

After tucking Abby in and reading Good Night Moon twice as requested, he grabbed his cane from the kitchen floor and slowly walked down the hallway, ignoring the searing pain coursing through his leg. Bella jumped off their bed as he started to unbutton his jacket. He smiled as she replaced his hands with hers, slowly undoing every tan button on his utility jacket.

She carefully pushed it off his shoulders, laying it on the table at the foot of the bed. She slid down the front of his body, taking time untying both of his boots and pulling them off his feet. As she tugged his khaki t-shirt out of his pants he lifted his arms above his head, silently giving her permission to take it off.

Bella sighed as her eyes roamed the expanse of his chest, taking in every bruise and cut. She leaned forward and brushed her lips against his, smiling as he tensed underneath her. As she slowly crawled on top of him she murmured, "Welcome home Marine."


	2. What Happened to You?

Edward rolled onto his side, the sheet constricting around his waist as his eyes traced over the delicate features of Bella's face as she slept. He let his index finger follow the path his eyes made, grazing over her eyebrows, down the slope of her nose, tracing over the outline of her lips.

She sighed heavily as his fingers slowly trailed through the length of her hair. On instinct he slipped his arms around her, pulling her tightly to his chest. His thoughts wandered three thousand miles away, back to where he was lying on a cot, trying to live with the thought he would never be here, be able to hold Bella again. His chest tightened at the thought. She rolled over, blindly reaching for Edward. She sighed contently as his arms constricted around her.

Even though he could spend all day watching Bella sleep, Edward decided to surprise her and Abby with breakfast. He carefully slid out of bed, slowly extracting himself from her arms. He limped over to the closet, carefully pulling on a pair of black sleep pants before grabbing his cane and slowly stalking into the kitchen.

He hated depending on the damn thing, hated not trusting his legs enough to walk completely on his own. Of course it was better than a wheelchair, or a pair of crutches, but it was still a pain in the ass. He made sure to gather everything he needed to make his "special pancakes" and quickly made the batter before pouring them onto the skillet.

Edward heard Bella's yawn from the hallway and couldn't suppress his grin as she kissed his cheek. He turned the burner off, moving the skillet off it before picking up Bella and putting her onto the counter. He stood in-between her legs and picked at the top button of her borrowed shirt, tracing over her collarbone as he flicked the first two buttons open. He leaned forward and kissed her neck, smiling against her skin as she tangled her fingers in his hair.

"Good morning love."

"Mmm." She hummed as she tugged on his hair, forcing his face up. "Morning."

She tilted her head down, gently brushing her lips against his before pulling away with a smile.

The sound of a car door being slammed shut made his muscles tense. Who would visit this early?

Bella slid under his arm, resting her forehead against his chest as she shook her head. "I still can't believe you're home." Edward slid his arm around her as he started to flip the pancakes. "I'm scared I'm dreaming and I'll wake up and roll over to an empty bed."

Edward chuckled as he kissed the top of her head. "I'm home."

"Bella!" Esme's voice echoed through the house. "I'm sorry to come over so early but I figured we could have a girl's day."

The light clacking of her heels against the tile floor stopped as she stood in the kitchen's entryway. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she stared at her son, leaning against a cane with his arm around Bella. She ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck as she sobbed into his shoulder.

"Hi mom." He murmured into her hair as she gripped him tighter.

"You're alive. You're home and you're alive." She pulled back and smacked him in the chest. "Why the hell didn't you call me? Your own mother! I thought you were dead or otherwise!"

Edward cringed at her tone, cringed at the memory of pain, at the reason why he couldn't call. Images flickered through his mind: his buddies, his men scattered on the sandy ground lying in puddles of their own blood, crippling pain flowing through every vein in his body, knowing he didn't deserve to survive.

To be dragged away from the scene, alive, when he had no right to be.

Remorse quickly turned to anger but he tried to mask it as the two most important women in his life started talking about him as if he wasn't in the room. He rolled his eyes as he turned around and slowly limped towards the living room.

Two loud gasps sounded from the kitchen, forcing his feet to cease their movements.

"Edward, what happened to you?"


	3. Time to Face the Music

Edward tensed as a tentative finger traced over the pink scars that littered his back. He didn't want to tell them, technically he couldn't, but the idea of reliving more memories he barely repressed made his chest constrict.

He took a deep breath before responding. "I told you already. We were hit by a roadside bomb."

"Honey, those scars, the angle." He could picture Esme shaking her head before continuing. "You were imprisoned weren't you?"

Memories―seen through the only non-swollen shut eye—of pain, of whips and chains flashed before his mind's eye. "I can't say." He replied, his voice cold, devoid of emotion.

"Edward—"

He wrenched his arm out of the hold and limped towards the front door. He shook his head, forcing the memories and flashbacks and licks of pain rippled through his body. He gripped the doorknob, clenched his jaw and yanked it open. Cold air assaulted him, his body unprepared for the feeling.

Edward let his feet lead as far as he could physically go. The unused muscles in his injured leg screamed in protest, not ready for this amount of exertion. He collapsed on a nearby bench, tossing his cane to the ground carelessly.

He rested his head in his hands, gripping the edges of his hair. He was powerless to stop the onslaught of images and sounds that filled his mind.

"_He hasn't cracked," a raspy voice murmured out in the hall. "We need the information ASAP. Intel keeps coming up dry. Give it twenty-four hours. If he's still no help, end it."_

_Edward cringed, then instantly regretted it. His face was sore; his left eye was swollen shut. It felt as if every single one of his limbs were disconnected from his body. But this wasn't an out of body experience; this was a very real thing. _

_They wanted answers, answers Edward would take to his grave. He swore once he received his Eagle, Globe and Anchor badge. He was a marine till death. He vowed to protect his country no matter the circumstances and promised himself he would never back down. No matter what._

_Though when he thought as to who he was leaving behind, his heart instantly felt heavy, almost too big for his chest. He had trouble breathing at the thought of leaving behind his soul mate and his daughter. His little Abby. _

_He couldn't do that to them. Edward wouldn't abandon them, take the easy way out and let them end it. He will fight. He will make it home. He'll live a haunted life, knowing even being in the position he was currently in was better that what his other men went through._

You shouldn't be alive.

_Again he cringed at the thought. Of course he shouldn't be alive. He should have died along with his men when they were first captured, instead he escaped. Like a wimp he ran away, abandoning his men, his brothers. Of course there were repercussions for doing so._

_He was here._

_Edward justified every hit, every bruise every curse that transferred from his captors to himself. It was the perfect atonement for leaving his men behind. _

_Days of torture passed by, Edward could feel his body slowly giving up. The few rations he got each day tasted like sawdust. It hurt to breathe and hell it hurt to keep his single eye open. He didn't expect to make it out of there alive and took the time to accept it. _

_That was until one day, luck finally joined his side. _

_He heard yelling, the phrase "Hit the deck" was repeated over and over again. __Edward fell to the ground a minute too late. He felt the explosion vibrate throughout his body as the sizzling sound of fire echoed around the desolate building. _

_His vision quickly went blurry, his mind conjuring up images of his men scattered around, piles upon piles of bloody bodies. He was jarred out of his self-loathing by deep American voices. They were calling out, searching the ruins for any soldiers who were alive._

_Edward forced his lips open, tried to yell out to them but no sound came out. His wrists burned against the thick rope as he tried to free his hands. He kicked at everything around him, trying to make noise but it was no use. He let the darkness swallow him hole as he slipped into unconsciousness. _

**SEMPER FI**

_A deep voice wrenched Edward from his dreamlike state. "Major General Cullen, age twenty-six, injuries hell there's too many to list. He was captured and abused, his back is littered with whip marks, his face swollen, one eye shut. Labored breathing from three broken ribs, sustained most damage to right leg. Not serious enough to amputate. Truly the list goes on."_

_He internally cringed at the list of injuries. _

"_He deserves a purple heart." Another voice said._

No he doesn't. _Edward thought to himself. He doesn't deserve anything. He left his men for dead, took the pussy way out and ran. The only thing he deserves is the haunted memories. _

"_He'll most definitely be receiving one if I have anything to say about it." Edward's body instinctually tensed as the voice of his commanding officer filled the room. "Cullen saved his men from the worst possible situation that he ended up enduring himself. He deserves more than just a purple heart. I'm just glad he gets to return home."_

_Silent tears slid down Edward's cheeks at the admission. How could General Stone speak so highly of him when he is so truly undeserving? _

**SEMPER FI**

_The time he spent in the hospital passed by slowly, excruciatingly so. He wasn't allowed to contact home, relieve his Bella and Abby of the haunting unknown. He slowly grew to accept the fact that his leg would never be one hundred percent normal and that he may need a cane for the rest of his life._

_He was grateful he still had it._

_Edward's dreams were haunted by his memories, flashes of his men, of his time while being captured. He refused to get help from yet another doctor. He refused to admit defeat, admit how weak he became. He refused to share his burden. He deserved every single minute of it._

"Edward," Bella whispered, careful to approach him. "Baby, look at me." Glassy eyed, he looked up at her, wrapping his arms around his torso to shield his body from the cold. "You don't have to talk about it." She started quietly. "I can wait however long it takes before you're ready."

Edward nodded. He felt numb. He always felt drained after reliving his time in Afghanistan. He let her lead him back to the house, gripping her hand tightly in his trying to steal some of her so obvious strength. His mother's car was still in the driveway, along with a black Ford. General Stone stepped out of the driver side, in his dress blues, smiling proudly at Edward.

Time to face the music.


	4. Step in the Right Direction

**This is a little late, but hey better late than never…**

**Disclaimer: I have not dealt with anyone with PTSD or any other psychological problems from war. Everything in this story is either researched or straight from my imagination so if something is wrong, if you find it offensive then please review or PM me and I'll change it right away. **

**Anyways, enjoy. **

Edward instantly stood at attention, both arms at his sides. General Stone chuckled before murmuring "At ease marine." He stalked towards Edward, giving him a once over before extending his hand. "Glad to see you made it home in one piece."

Edward bit his tongue to stop his retort. He just nodded and gripped General Stone's hand. "Thank you sir."

He smiled. "The Purple Heart ceremony is Saturday. I expect to see you and your lovely wife there Major General." He said, flashing a smile at Bella.

Edward swallowed thickly before nodding. "Of course sir."

"Have a nice afternoon Mrs. Cullen, Major."

Bella gripped Edward's hand tightly, forcing him to relax as General Stone pulled out of the driveway.

"C'mon. Let's go inside before you get sick." Their hands stayed twined together as she led him up to the front door. "Go lay down, your mother will keep an eye on Abby. I'll be in there in a second, okay?"

Edward nodded solemnly before slowly limping down the hall, avoiding the kitchen altogether. He collapsed onto his side of the bed, his dog tags clanging against his bare chest. He gripped the chain, memorizing the feel of the metal beading under his fingers.

His eyes stayed focused on the ceiling, tracing over the different shapes the popcorn pattern left. Edward tried to rein his thoughts in; he didn't need to break down in front of Bella. All the time he spent in Afghanistan he was weak; he refused to stay that way any longer.

Edward rolled onto his side, facing the door, resting his head on the decorative pillow behind him. He took deep calming breaths, waiting until Bella opened the door. He smiled at her, his first real smile in a while, as she walked into their room. Her eyes scanned over him, her lower lip trembling before she jumped onto the bed and threw her arms around his neck.

"Shh." He gently rubbed her back whispering how much he loved her and how sorry he was for leaving her. "You're safe baby, I've got you."

"So many nights," She sobbed into his chest. "I had to stare at your empty side of the bed, and think, believe that you weren't coming back. Your clothes practically mocked me!" She shook her head, nuzzling her nose against her name tattooed on his peck. "Then when Abby would ask me when you're coming home, I would break down crying, escape into here and then cry even more."

Edward cleared his throat before kissing the top of her head, quickly changing the subject. "Do you remember the promise I made when I was first shipped off?"

Bella nodded, wiping her eyes before sitting up. "'Somehow, some way I'll always come back to you. And if not, don't let Emmett put the moves on you, cause I _will_ find a way to kick his ass.'" She smiled as she said the last part.

Edward gently wiped her tears away with the pads of his thumbs. "I came back to you love, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I'm sorry I left you without knowing, I'm sorry for everything I put you through because of my being a marine. But know you were always first to me," He took her hand, resting it over his heart. "You were always in here, in my thoughts. You kept me tethered to the earth when all I wanted to do was let go."

"I love you," she whispered quietly into his neck, her light breaths causing the hairs on the back of his neck to stand up.

Edward tightened his arms around her, pulling her close to his chest, resting her body in-between his legs. "You are my life, my soul," he kissed her lightly, "my reason to live. Never forget that."

Bella shook her head, silently promising to never forget it. She leaned forward, gently brushing her lips against his, a light caress that made him sigh. She smiled, her lips forming into a perfect upwards curve, her eyes reflecting her happiness.

They were his favorite feature. They were always a dead giveaway of her emotions, amplifying her feelings constantly. Edward would so easily get lost in them, wondering what she was thinking or just enjoying the comfortable silence.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Bella asked softly.

Edward tensed, his body rigid and defensive. "There's nothing to talk about." _Lie._

Bella sat up and gently ran her fingers down his cheek. Her eyes were filled with hurt, tears brimming on the edge of her eyelids. "Don't lie to me Edward. I know you're hurt, I know that something's wrong. Share it with me." She cupped his face in her hands. "Share your burden."

Edward shook his head, successfully breaking her grip before running his fingers through his hair. "What I experienced isn't something you should or need to know about. It's _my_ burden. It's my penance for letting my men perish. I will carry it with me until I die." Quietly he added, "I deserve to."

"Edward–"

"_Edward!"_

_Edward's head whipped to the side, following the voice._

"_Major Cullen, they're invading!"_

"_Find cover!" Edward ran behind the nearest wall, cocking his AK-47 before staring down the sights. "Fire at your own will!" Sweat was rolling down his temples; fear was flowing off his body in waves. He was trained for this type of situation, but he never believed it would ever happen._

_His choices were fatal. Any choice he made affected the lives of himself and his men. So much stress and worry instantaneously fell onto his shoulders. He cringed as foreign voices rang through the alley. Edward was able to only catch bits and pieces of what they were saying._

Split up.

Capture.

Kill.

_Edward panicked as smoke slowly crawled along the ground towards him and his men. He spun on his heel and ran, praying his men would follow suit, never chancing a glance back. _

Edward closed his eyes, cutting her off before she could continue. "I'm going to take a shower." As Bella got up to join him he added, "alone," in an empty voice.

"O-okay." Bella cleared her throat. "I'll be in the living room if you, um need me..." She stole one last glance at him before silently walking out of their room.

Edward stared at the closed door, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath before retreating into the bathroom. The hot water did little to soothe him, the biggest ache in his body resonating in his chest. He rested his forehead against the shower wall, the cool tiles a sharp contrast against the hot water beating down against his back.

He couldn't wrap his head around how quickly his and Bella's conversation turned to hell. Was he always going to be this way?

"Fuck!" Edward clenched his fingers into a fist, punching the hard shower wall before shutting the water off and carefully stepping out. He threw a towel around his waist before sitting on the closed toilet lid, spinning his wedding ring around his finger. He ignored the slight pain in his right hand and took a deep breath.

He needed to fix it.

Edward heaved himself off the toilet lid, resting his palm against the wall to steady himself as he stalked out of the bathroom. He called out for Bella, confused when he didn't get a reply. He slowly dressed in a pair of sweats and a USMC t-shirt before walking down the hall, cane in hand. He forced himself to stay calm as his mind raced through the possibilities as to why he was alone in the house.

Edward instantly relaxed as he came across a piece of paper with Bella's familiar scrawl on it.

_Your wallet is in your night table drawer with the keys to the Volvo. _

_Your mother, Abby and I went grocery shopping._

_-Bella_

He frowned at the note and the lack of "I love you" or "Love, Bella". He was definitely in deep shit. Scanning over her words a second time Edward noticed more writing underneath Bella's note, rolling his eyes at his mother's familiar script.

_I don't know what you did Edward_

_But you better fix it ASAP or I'll_

_Kick your ass myself._

_Love, Esme_

Edward paused, racking his brain for ideas. He thought back to the conversations he and Bella had once he returned from deployment. Those few times when she was honest and open; she talked about settling down in a nice neighborhood, find a house with a big yard and a preferably a red front door. So he sat down at his laptop, searching different real-estate sites for the perfect neighborhood between both his parents and hers.

It didn't take long to find the perfect place.

He couldn't hide the huge grin that spread across his lips as he looked at a few pictures of a three thousand square foot house. He didn't bother to look at the price, just wrote down the address and the real-estate agency's number before grabbing his wallet and the car keys.

Edward drove to the only Commissary on post, silently hoping Bella would forgive him. The sticky note with the address of the off-post home was a heavy weight in his pocket. Edward knew buying a house wouldn't solve their problems, but offering Bella something positive in light of their current situation seemed like a good idea.

Sometimes acting as though nothing happened was the only way to move forward.

**SEMPER FI**

Edward felt his hope deflate once he pulled into the parking lot of the Commissary. The little burst of energy he had found was now gone. Anger at himself, at his situation at God, at everything came crashing down on him.

He was exhausted. Every inch of him ached for release, for a break from everything. He wanted Bella back, he wanted his life back. Their house on the port was suffocating him. It was possible that subconsciously that was why he wanted a new house. He doesn't want to walk through the front door and be haunted by memories. Edward wanted to make new memories with his family.

He was tired of having his happiness ripped away from him.

Edward gripped the door handle with a renewed vigor, internally scowling at the cane glued to his left palm. He tried his hardest to ignore the pitied glances thrown his way. He didn't have to flash his military ID at the door, his shirt, dog tags and cane were identification enough.

He quickly waved at the few military wives he recognized, not in the right frame of mind to hold up a conversation with them. Edward scanned the aisles as he walked by, searching for Bella's familiar mahogany colored hair. He froze mid-step as the musical sound of her laughter floated towards him. He turned down the next aisle and tried to quicken his pace until he was able to wrap his arms around her from behind.

"I'm so sorry love." Edward murmured into her hair. "I don't want to shut you out." _I hate being this fucked up in the head._ He added to himself.

Bella gripped his forearms before leaning into his embrace. "I know."

They stayed in their embrace, in their little bubble until a high-pitched squeal broke the spell. "Daddy!"

Edward smiled before kissing Bella's neck and extending his arms towards his daughter. She carefully approached him, weary of the cane in his hand.

Without hesitation Edward scooped her up into his arms. "Hi baby girl."

Abby started playing with his hair, her brow furrowed much like Bella's when she's deep in thought. "Did you and mommy fight?" She questioned, her hazel eyes meeting his, filled with worry.

Edward snuck a quick glance at Bella, silently asking for help before turning back to his daughter. "What makes you think that sweetheart?"

He gently smoothed the hair out of her eyes, smiling as she gripped his hand. "Mommy was crying and grandma was mad and we left without you."

Edward sighed, resting his very intuitive daughter on the top of the grocery cart.

_What should I tell her?_

The truth. "Yes, we did have a little fight, Abby. You know where I would go for a while?" She nodded her head slowly. "Well some bad things happened there that scared me."

"Like the boogey under my bed?" She added.

Edward chuckled and kissed her nose. "Kind of, baby girl. But sometimes daddy thinks of those things and gets scared of them again. Mommy was worried and daddy needed a moment to himself to think of more happy things to not be scared anymore." He looked into her eyes. "Okay?"

Abby nodded in understanding, throwing her arms around Edward's neck before sighing. Within seconds she was asleep, content that her question was answered. He looked up at his mother, relaxing as she smiled at him. One less woman upset with him.

"I'll take Abby home so you two can get a chance to…talk."

As Edward opened his mouth to argue, Bella grabbed his hand and thanked Esme before dragging him out of the store. "I'll drive." She said, quickly slipping her hand into his pants pocket to retrieve the keys before unlocking the Volvo. Once they were both seated inside, she started the car. "Speak."

Edward took a deep breath, staring down at his lap awkwardly. "I don't know what to say."

Bella looked over at him for a second before focusing on the road again. "Say something Edward, I hate being in the dark about everything. I want to help you but you won't let me!" Her arms flailed above her head, demonstrating her frustration.

His reply was instant. "Because I don't deserve your help."

Bella sighed, shaking her head to herself. "In time you'll realize that's a bunch of shit."

Edward nodded hesitantly but didn't say anything. Both were silent for most of the drive home. Edward was lost in his thoughts. He wanted one day without his problems shoved into his face. He didn't get one damn second to talk about something else before it was back again.

Like an itch you can't scratch it bothers you. It's glued to your body, slowly irritating you, past the point of impatience.

And you can't escape it.

Edward cleared his throat, clearing the haze his thoughts became covered in. He reached into his pants pocket, taking out the yellow sticky note. He rested it on the dashboard as Bella parked the car before getting out and walking to the front door. As he gripped the doorknob a tiny hand gripped his wrist.

"You found a house with a red door?" Edward slowly turned around to face her and nodded. "For me?"

He nodded again, trying to gauge her reaction. She threw her arms around his neck and started sobbing against his shoulder, and just like that, he knew he took a step in the right direction.

**And welcome to the bottom!**

**Commissary is the grocery store on the post. [Info from Wikipedia]**

**All of the next chapter will be a flashback, hopefully will be done soon. I'll consider an updating schedule if there's more demand, if not this will go up at my own pace. **

**Reviews are better than buying a house.**


	5. Dog Tags

**Just to give you all a little heads up, ALL of this chapter will be a flashback of Edward's first deployment, return and all that stuff. There will be a few tiny snippet flashbacks in a flashback in here. **

**Sorry that I don't have a beta. Don't mind my mistakes!**

**Disclaimer: I am very neutral about God and religions. Being brought up in a Catholic household during a time of war and cancer and well shit tainted my personal views. Please do not take anything mentioned from here on out in this story about religion personally or seriously. This story is FICTION and should be taken as such. **

**And…**

**WARNING WARNING: there will be a lemon deep down in here, so skip it if you wanna skip it because you're a prude (hehe) or just because I suck at writing them. I'm a virgin with a crazy imagination who reads a lot of smut. **

**Don't judge me.**

**Other than that, see you at the bottom!**

Edward stared down at the worn photograph in his hands, the slightly tattered edges familiar as he smiled at his wife and daughters' expressions. He remembered the day this picture was taken. How happy and relaxed they all were. How perfect their lives seemed to be.

Until all hell broke loose.

That damn call that woke up up from a sound sleep. The heavy pain that rested in his heart as he stole one last glance at Bella's sleeping form before escaping into the night.

And into the war.

"They're beautiful." Edward smiled at the words of his CO, never taking his eyes off the picture. "You'll be home soon son, I promise."

Edward nodded, knowing the promise was empty. There was no telling if he would make it home with his heart beating in his chest. He knew that he could die in the line of fire when he signed on to be a marine. It was a risk he willingly took. At the time he had nothing to live for besides his parents and siblings.

That all changed the day of his graduation.

**S.F**

Edward stared straight ahead during the graduation. He was honestly trying his fucking hardest not to grin like an idiot during the presenting of the Eagle, Globe, and Anchor badge. When his name was called he marched to the stage, turned to face the crowd and locked eyes with her.

For a split second he stopped moving and just stared. Like in all those stupid romantic movies everything else around him faded away until she was all he could see. He couldn't suppress his shit-eating grin as she flashed him a small shy smile.

Edward quickly reserved himself, forcing his expression back into the hard mask that came with his dress blues. Show no emotion, display no weakness. His heart swelled with pride as the badge was pinned to the lapel of his jacket,

Edward bypassed his parents once the ceremony ended, heading straight towards the head of mahogany hair he had his eyes set on since the beginning. He excused himself to those who he bumped into or almost knocked over in his haste to get to her. She was talking to some man, smiling and touching his upper arm. His feet instantly ceased their movements.

Her boyfriend.

Of course she wasn't single. Why else would she be here? Edward's jaw clenched along with both his hands. Like there was a possibility she was smiling at him. He rolled his shoulders as he started to walk back towards his family, trying to dispel his disappointment.

Edward continued to march towards his family, breaking his hard mask into a grin at the proud tears rolling down Esme's cheeks.

"We're so proud of you Edward." She whispered into his neck as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "So so proud."

After Esme finally released him he was passed along down the line of his father, brother and sister. Alice squealed around her tears in traditional Alice fashion. She pulled his cap off, gasping at his trimmed hair. She frowned, running her fingers over his scalp.

"Now you can dazzle the pants off any chick that floats your way." Emmett said, winking at Edward, elbowing his ribs.

Edward rolled his eyes, righting the hat on his head. Too bad I missed one boat completely, he thought to himself cynically.

Esme opened her mouth to say something, but her focus shifted onto something behind Edward. "We'll meet you in the car sweetie."

Edward cocked his head to the side, confused at their abrupt departure. He turned around and instantly froze in place. The beautiful mahogany haired goddess was standing in front of him, a light blush tainting her cheeks. Instead of introducing himself like he would have Edward just stood there gaping at her, taking in every detail of her face, letting himself get lost in her beautiful brown eyes.

"Congratulations, on" she cleared her throat elegantly. Elegantly. Edward snorted to himself at how fucking stupid he sounded.

Hurt marred the woman's features. Shit, he laughed out loud.

"No, I- I wasn't laughing at you, I just- you…" Edward hastily took off his hat before taking her hand and kissed the back of it. Without a conscious thought he said, "You're perfect."

She blushed even deeper as she shook her head and smiled, a tiny dimple appearing on her right cheek. "I'm Bella."

Bella, beautiful. Beautiful Bella. The words kept rolling around his head as he smiled stupidly at her.

"Do you have a name?" Edward nodded, grinning as her smile grew. "Care to share what it is?"

"Oh!" Edward shook himself, trying to play off how flustered he was. He extended his hand before saying, "Edward- Edward Cullen."

She smiled as she took his hand. "Nice to meet you Edward, Edward Cullen."

**S.F**

Edward smiled at the memory. Only after a slight hissy fit, no, a manly jealous rage; did he learn that the man she went up to and embraced at the ceremony was her childhood friend. Her very gay childhood friend. That information comforted him only for a while, and then it had the opposite effect.

Edward tucked the picture away back into his jacket before stalking over to the makeshift hanger housing their sleeping quarters. He ran his dirt stained palm over his shortly cropped hair as he collapsed onto his cot, moving around on his back, trying to get comfortable. He had to get a goodnight's sleep before he went on rotation. A leader without any morale was never good for his men.

~s.f~

Gunshots ringing throughout the camp jolted Edward out of his sleep. He instantly grabbed the AK-47 from under his cot. His breathing was labored, his heart racing. He twisted his wedding ring around his finger twice for good luck before strapping his helmet in place under his chin. He dashed out of the hanger, telling his men to get in formation. There was no time for a pep talk, no time to prepare them for what could happen.

All Edward could say was, "Stay alert, stay alive, let's move out."

Edward kept his stance slightly crouched, all his gear secured on his body. As his men split up, Edward kept his gun high, his attitude strong and impenetrable. He circled around an abandoned car keeping his eyes straight ahead. He fired shot after shot towards the abandoned building looming in front of him. Little flickers of movement registered in his peripheral vision and before he could reload to fire another shot he heart a bang and listened to a body near him fall. He looked over his shoulder, feeling his heart constrict at the sight of his buddy on the ground.

Edward hysterically called the medic over, forcing him to do CPR on his friend, ignoring his protests. He couldn't lose Tyler. He couldn't lose his buddy on the battle field. Leave the dead behind, clear in front of you. Edward steeled his reserve, forcing himself to block the mental image of the puddle of blood underneath Tyler and carried on. He and his men did just that, brutally maiming and killing any enemy that crossed his path.

When Edward returned to Tyler, angry at himself, at the world for allowing this to happen, he checked Tyler's pulse before feeling his heart fall.

Lieutenant Tyler Crowley was pronounced dead at ten forty-two P.M. by the medic who tried to save him.

Killed in action.

**SEMPER FI**

The wind chilled Edward to the bone as he stood in line with his men. His formal dress blues seemed too constricting. The white belt around his waist was digging into his stomach, his pressed navy pants tight around his waist. The pristine white hat sitting on his head seemed as if it weighed thirty pounds, fighting gravity. His white gloved hands stayed straight at his sides throughout the ceremony. Everything seemed wrong.

As the priest ended the prayer a sense of calm settled over the crowd. Edward took one measured step forward, spinning on his right heel to face his men. He didn't let his eyes wander over towards the American flag draped over his buddy's casket.

Lieutenant Tyler Crowley was one if not his only best friend. They enlisted together on Edward's eighteenth birthday. Tyler was the first person Edward told about his promotion to Major General.

And now Edward was leading his men in saluting his death.

He took a deep breath before saying, "Ready. Aim, fire," over and over again until twenty-one shots went off. Edward's stance didn't waver at the pop of the shots, but as each went off his heart broke slightly.

Edward accepted the fact that it wasn't his fault his buddy died. But Edward couldn't, wouldn't let himself accept the fact that this was a normal occurrence; that losing a friend or a brother was just a part of this life.

He wouldn't lose his soul; he wouldn't sacrifice that part of his humanity.

Edward turned again to face the small crowd mourners, avoiding eye-contact with Tyler's family seated in the front row. He bit the inside of his cheek as the heartbroken sobs of Tyler's wife rang in his ears.

He cleared his throat before saying, "Pre-sent arms."

As every man with military blood both retired and new stood, their right hands forming a proper salute towards Tyler's coffin, as Taps began. All the people who were present bowed their heads, some closing their eyes to the tune. Each haunting note resonated deeply in Edward's heart, acting as even more solidifying proof he would never see Tyler again.

When the final note of Taps slowly faded out, Edward called his men to attention, each grabbing onto the edges of the American flag draped over the polished wood of Tyler's coffin. With excellent precision the flag was folded and presented to Edward. He saluted the soldier giving it to him before grasping it in his hands, his left resting on top.

Edward spun on his heel and slowly stalked towards Lauren. He got down on one knee, holding the flag out to her as he said, "I present you this flag, on behalf of a grateful nation, for the honorable and faithful service of your loved one."

Lauren held the flag close to her heart, whispering a quiet "thank you," to Edward before

The line of men broke apart once Edward saluted them, each giving their own personal good-bye to Lt. Crowley before retreating back to the group of mourners. Edward embraced Bella tightly, kissing the top of her head as she started to sob quietly into his chest. After a long moment he released her, kissing her lightly on the lips before walking over to Tyler's widow, Lauren.

Her eyes were red rimmed and puffy from crying, the trembling in her arms spread throughout her entire body as Edward pulled her into his arms. He gently rubbed circles against Lauren's back while she sobbed into his shoulder. He blinked furiously as one traitor tear slipped down his cheek.

"What am I going to do, Edward?"

Edward carefully untangled himself from Lauren's grasp and gently wiped her tears away with the back of his hand. "Bella and I will be there for you. Jordan and Abby are always together. You're not alone Lauren."

She nodded slowly, her eyes unfocused as she gripped the folded flag in her arms.

Bella grabbed Edward's hand, tangling their fingers together. "Stay with us tonight. You shouldn't go back to an empty house right now."

Lauren looked over her shoulder at Tyler's family, asking "Are you sure?" in a quiet voice.

Bella looked up at Edward who nodded his head with conviction. "Of course we're sure. Abby is staying the night with Edward's parents. I bet Ty– your in-laws wouldn't mind watching Jordan tonight, would they?"

Edward took off his hat as Tyler's parents approached them. "My condolences Mr. and Mrs. Crowley." He quickly embraced both adults before kissing Bella's cheek and excusing himself.

He kept his white dress hat in his hands as he walked over to Tyler's casket. He slowly picked up a rose from the table as he stared down into the grave where his buddy, his best friend, would be from here on out.

"I'm so sorry Tyler," Edward said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry it was you instead of me; that you had to leave Lauren and Jordan. I'I promise, like we did when we first signed up, I'll take care of your family as if it was my own." Edward sighed heavily before dropping the rose. "Rest in peace Ty, you deserve it."

Edward took a deep breath to center himself before he turned back around to face Bella. She flashed him a watery eyed smile as she threw her arms around his neck. She whispered "I love you," into his shoulder. He nodded into her hair in agreement.

"Ready to go home?"

Bella smiled and grabbed his hand, twining their fingers together. They slowly walked back towards Lauren. She looked at the couples' joined hands with a desperate expression before visibly shaking herself and following them to the car. Like the gentleman he was brought up to be, Edward opened Bella's door and helped her into the car before closing it behind her. When he walked over to do the same for Lauren, she politely refused

The car ride home was filled with silent tension; Edward gripped the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles were white. He didn't know what to do or what to say to either woman. He did know that Lauren and Bella were close, that Bella would be her shoulder to cry on. Bella wouldn't complain about it, no matter how tired she was, Bella would be there. She was that type of person.

Edward helped both women out of the Volvo before gracefully charging to the front door and wrenching it open. He stripped out of his dress blues as he sped through the house. He tossed his clothes onto the bed as if they were riddled with disease. Each thread burned his skin, his chest irritated by the steel of his dog tags clanging against his chest. He gripped the chain in his hand, ready to yank them away from his neck. He paused and stared down at his name imprinted on the metal.

CULLEN,

EDWARD A

US MARINE CORPS

648-91-5273

O POS

NO PREF

Edward's fingers traced over the "no pref", on the last line of his dog tags. His family wasn't obnoxiously religious, forcing their "god" onto others. It was understood that under his parent's roof there was god. Whatever created the earth and everything that inhabits it can only be explained by one fucking word.

God.

Edward always had some doubt growing up about god and everything he does and all the good he does, he scoffed to himself at the word. Thankfully, Bella was indifferent about the idea, never brought up in a religious atmosphere.

He refused to believe in the higher power. He was a marine, protecting America and killing enemies. The presence that war was enough proof that god didn't exist. He shouldn't allow his people to be killed off like flies, to have disease, to die painful deaths. Why hasn't he put a stop to it yet?

Edward wanted to put a stop to it. This life wasn't at all was he expected the unreal reality of constant death was too much. There was no way in time he'd grow immune to it.

Edward shook himself out of his thoughts and stalked into his closet. He pulled on a pair of black exercise shorts and his running shoes, forgoing a shirt. Without another thought he tossed his dog tags carelessly onto the bed and took off jogging through the house, waving to Bella and Lauren in the kitchen.

He sped up his pace once he got outside into the crisp fall air. Running always helped clear his thoughts. An empty mind was exactly what he needed right now.

Edward let his feet lead him, the rest of his body on autopilot. He instantly stopped his movement as he stood at the entrance to the cemetery. He cursed himself for ending up here. His fingers roughly gripped the ends of his hair a she started to pace.

He didn't consider whatever fucked up twist of fate that put him here, just punched the nearest thing with all his strength before springing home.

Edward was drenched in sweat by the time he came up to the front door of his house. He leaned against it, resting his forehead on the cool fireproof surface. His right hand was throbbing, his knuckles on fire. The possibility of his hand being broken was very very high. He took a deep breath before grabbing the doorknob with his uninjured hand, and slowly turned it. Bella was frantically yelling into the phone in the kitchen.

"I don't know where the fuck he is Alice! He went for a run and, hell he left his dog tags. He never does that!" Bella calmed down slightly. "That makes sense, he always runs to clear his head." "Yeah but he's never out this late. What if something happened Ali?"

"Bella." Edward said quietly, standing in the entry way of the kitchen. She jumped slightly before slamming the phone into the receiver. She slowly walked towards him, her face devoid of any emotion. Before he could realize she raised her hand, Bella slapped him across the face. Hard. As if to make up for it, she flung her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.

"Don't you dare do that to me again."

Edward tightened his arms around her torso, nuzzling her hair with his nose. "I'm sorry."

Bella nodded and pulled away, his dog tags dangling from her fingertips. "You left these on the bed." She gently ran her palm down his cheek, capturing his chin in her hand. "Are you okay?"

Edward gazed over Bella's shoulder at Lauren who picked up the phone the instant it started to ring.

"Abby would like to talk to you both." Lauren said quietly, conveniently switching the focus off his dog tags.

Bella grabbed the phone first, quickly wishing her sweet dreams and that she loved her. Edward smiled slightly as he received the phone.

"Hey baby girl. Be good for grandma and grandpa, capiche?"

Abby giggled lightly on the other line. "Got it daddy. I love you!" Edward chuckled at her enthusiasm. "You're my special hero daddy."

Edward closed his eyes tightly as tears threatened to appear. "I love you too sweetheart. Sweet dreams." He cleared his throat before ending the call. Bella grasped his face in her hands, studying his expression.

"What's wrong? What did Abby say?"

She said exactly what I needed to hear. "It wasn't anything bad love, I promise."

Edward leaned forward and gently brushed his lips lightly against her forehead before flashing a smile at Lauren and stalking down the hall into their bedroom. He kicked off his sneakers and tossed his shorts into the hamper before slipping into the shower. The hot water was a relief on his sore muscles. Edward raked his fingers through his hair a few times, rinsing some of the sweat and dirt off his head. He felt Bella's presence before he saw her, standing in the doorway to the bathroom.

Edward pushed the water soaked hair out of his eyes before sliding the shower door open, ignoring the cool breeze that hit his damp body. "What's the matter love?"

"Promise me," she started, walking under the spray of the showerhead fully clothed. She looked Edward in the eyes before continuing. "Promise me you'll never die, that you'll never leave me."

Tears slowly slid down her cheeks, mingling with the shower's water drops. Edward swallowed hard before nodding. He pulled her into his arms, gently running his palms up and down her back. Bella looked up at him, her teeth gnawing away at her bottom lip as she contemplated something. He freed her lip from her teeth with his thumb, smirking to himself at the view of her waterlogged clothes.

Knocking him against the shower wall, Bella threw her arms around Edward's neck, crushing her lips against his. Her kisses were desperate, her tongue forcing its way through Edward's lips. She tangled her fingers into his hair, tilting her head to the side to deepen their kiss. Edward quickly recovered his footing and switched their positions, resting her back against the shower wall. His fingers clawed at her shirt, ripping it open, growling as buttons bounced off the tile floor. Edward popped the button on her damp jeans open, viciously yanking her pants down her shapely legs. As he gripped the backs of her thighs, lifting to wrap her legs around his waist.

Edward cradled the back of her head in his hands, resting his forehead against hers. "Nothing will keep me away from you Bella. I promise I won't leave your side." He kissed her chastely. "I love you."

"So much." Bella agreed before sucking his lower lip in her mouth, she gently bit down, nibbling against his skin. "I want." she whispered.

His arms trembled from restraint as he slowly settled inside of her. She felt like a vise, gripping him, milking him. Edward was no stranger to Bella's body. He knew where to run his tongue and where to circle his thumb. A considerate lover, he's paid attention through the years, and he turned everything he has to making her quake.

_For his side, Bella's body is heaven on earth. Like their mouths, everything else fits just right. He thrusts and she arches. He retreats and she chases. It's almost some kind of divine torture to hold himself back. Their movements became wilder, fiercer. Their mingled breaths coming out in short bursts. Their fingers, tightly entwined, pressing against each other rhythmically. Until with one thrust, nerve endings were stroked and both beings shattered as one._

_Afterward, a long, rich moment of blissed-out blackness cloaked them, neither of them wanted to move. _

_Edward gathered Bella into his arms, turning off the shower before stepping out. She sighed contentedly against his chest as he walked them into their room. He carefully stood her up against the bed post, making sure she was steady before grabbing two towels. He ran his fingers through his hair as he threw one towel around his waist. He carefully dried Bella off before tucking her under the covers. He tossed the towels into the hamper, grabbing something off his nightstand before joining her under the covers, Bella instantly curling up against his side. _

_Edward slid his arm around her as he stared down at his palm. His dog tags gleamed off the moonlight steaming in through the window. He internally shook his head at his doubts from earlier. Being a marine was in his blood, in his soul. Abby renewed his pride. _You're my special hero daddy_. He smiled at the memory of her words. _

_Edward sat up and slipped the chain back over his head. He kissed his tags religiously before letting them rest against his chest, where they belonged and would stay._

_Forever. _

**Hello there!**

**Wow this chapter turned out to be a lot longer than I thought it would be. Is that a good thing…?**

**And please go easy on me with the lemon; it was my first time…**

**All information in this chapter is from both Wikipedia and based on clips from Lifetime's: Army wives.**

**Reviews are better than dog tags. **


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